Harry Potter and the Crock of Chronicle

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (c) JK Rowling (p) GoUK.com

What

Harry Potter and the Crock of Chronicle film review

When

February 2012

Where

At cinemas UK wide

The Review

Well, who knew it?

A ninth Harry Potter film: Harry Potter and the Crock of Chronicle …

You might recognise the framework of this story.

Chronicle is about a geeky boy who lives in a dishevelled bedroom and who is abused by an unloving relative: his father, in this tale.

The boy is a fish out of water, bullied at school, and something of a social outcast.

But then he meets a couple of other kids and they find out that they can do … magic (they even perform magic tricks at the school talent contest).

They’re so good at magic that not only can they fly, but they also get to chuck a ball around whilst floating in the sky … just like they’re playing Quidditch.

It doesn’t really matter what these three are called, so we might as well just call them Harry, Ron and Hermione.

But here’s the twist: instead of siding with Gryffindor, they side with Slytherin, and instead of being a model pupil destined for a life as a good-guy aurora, Harry falls off the perch of righteousness and ends up being a tad worse than Lord Voldemort.

In fact, Harry goes so far off the rails, he ends up killing Ron and trying to kill Hermione.

But, as all of you Harry Potter fans will know, no one is smarter than JK Rowling’s alter-ego Hermione, and, in the end, even though she has fewer magical powers than Harry, it is Hermione who saves the day by slaying the wicked Harry with an arrow through the middle of his heart (we always knew that those two had an Eros inspired penchant for each other).

That’s all you need to know: Chronicle is – in essence – Bad Harry Potter.

It is filmed in “found footage” video tape, which is just plain annoying and unimaginative.

The CGI is CGsIlly, and the film gives nothing to its audience and asks nothing of it in terms of thought or imagination.

Just watch the last two Harry Potter films and picture Daniel Radcliffe as being a very naughty boy: you’re done.

You can always gauge a film by the hubbub the audience makes on leaving the cinema: they were talking about the nice new chocolate sold at the kiosk.

Enough said.

Harry Potter and the Crock of Chronicle review rating

1 star